Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
