i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
