...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
