Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
