Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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