i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
