Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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