Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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