Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
