I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
