i think i have herpe
just one?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
