wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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