You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
