Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
