her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
