his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
