i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
