Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
