SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
