I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
