he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
