you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i drank out of a bidet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize