the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
