I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
