did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
