Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
