my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
