You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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