Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
