I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
