i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize