I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
