Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm passing your future prison.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
