She's JV to your varsity
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
