I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
