are you so shy because you have an std?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
