Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
