i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
