Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
