Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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