Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
