How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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