my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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