i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
