FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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