Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
