he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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