Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
