i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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