nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
