opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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