Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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