No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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