summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
