I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
