Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize