When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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