I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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