And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
