He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
