Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
