Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
